change, we need

So I have to admit that Barak Obama was not the candidate I was hoping would win, but surprisingly enough he did. What is even more surprising is that last night when the votes came in and the winner was announced, I was excited. True I felt bad for McCain, I think he could have done some wondeerful things for our country and I see him as one of the most patriotic people in this nation, but what an incredible thing. The most unlikely candidate won. A man who didn't come from a wealthy family, who's skin color has made many not like him, and who I never thought would win, is our new President.
After watching his acceptance speech (and McCain's concession speech) I was close to tears. Here were two amazing choices for President and while one had to lose, they both had the most amazing words to say. I've never been so appreciative to see history coming alive. It was a historic moment and this is going to be an amazing ride (or so I hope).

I am thankful for....

....my mom

My mom is one of my favorite people in the entire world, I must admit.
I honestly don't know what I would do without her. The past few years we've gotten extremely close, probably because I'm now an adult and we can now be more like friends. In fact, I consider her one of my best friends.
She's one of the sweetest and strongest people I know. She's gone through so much and lost so many loved ones, but she continues on, head high. She works harder than anyone I know.She still knows how to have fun and act young (something I'm not that good at). She's always there for me, whether I ask her to be or not. She constantly goes out of her way for me. She knows me backwards and forwards. She loves me, the big mess up that I am. She tries to cheer me up when I'm down. She knows just what to say to make me feel better and turn my crappy day around. She's constantly telling me how much she loves me and how lucky she is to have me as her daughter. No one person (minus of course Jesus Christ) as sacrificed so much for me as she has. Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to make my life better
Of course, we have our moments, our fights and our headbutts, but I could not have asked for a better person to be my mother. As corny as this may all sound, it's the truth. She means so much to me and has been there for me, never judging me or pushing me into anything. She's let me become the person I am, she raised me to be the person I am and I thank God for her everyday.

tell me more

I love photohoots. They make me happy.


This week and this past weekend have been crazy. So much running around.
My computer crashed.
Photoshoot at JU and trying to edit pictures.
Football game tonight. And practices like crazy.
Jaguars football game this past Sunday. We lost, but Leigh and I still had fun.
Work work work.
Dropped my field class, no more interning.
Netflix movies :) (one month free)
Homework (or avoiding homework)
Classes galore, although most of them were canceled for this week. No clue as to why.
Midterms are here.

Sometimes I really wish I could be a hippie. But I think I like my showers too much. And my bed.

Today is so far beautiful, but I am stuck inside with a headache. I also have a ton of homework I should be doing, but am avoiding at all costs. Then our football game tonight.

i love

I was bored at work, can you tell?

But this makes me sad, because it wasn't black and white, but it scanned that way for some reason. oh well

What a week.

Thursday I started interning at a new elementary school. I'm in a third grade class for math and science (my worst subjects). Should be an interesting semester. Then we had our first flag football game. We lost....horribly, but at least we had fun. My parents even suprised me and showed up for the game. I have to say, I don't think I've ever been so happy to see them.
Yesterday the girls and I went tubing near Gainesville. It was the most beautiful day and even the drive made me happy. However, the mosquitos attacked viciously and left their 23 marks on me to remind me.
Then today Leigh and I went to Orlando to Universal. So much fun. I love roommate bonding time. And then we rushed home to make football practice.

Things have been crazy and I barely get ANY sleep anymore. But I suppose that it's worth it.

bare essentials

When I was growing up I never once thought about running away from home. I think every one of my friends had or even just talked about it, but not me. Not ever. I guess that (at least until middle school) I never had any complaints. The problems I had didn't lie at home, in fact home was the one good constant thing in my life. Of course my middle school days changed all that and soon home did become a place that I dreaded, but still I never thought about running away.

So it strikes me as odd that here I am, 21 with my own home and I'm grown up and wishing to run away. It is as if everyday I come home from my long day of work and or school and think about packing my things and just hitting the road.

More than anything, I wish I could be like Donald Miller (in his book Through Painted Deserts, read it if you haven't) and just jump in a van with a buddy, packing only the essential items, and some cash to make it through and then take off.
No destination in mind.
No course in mind.
Just a goal--- to get away and see for myself our country and the people in it. But mostly, I just want to get away from the miseries of everyday life. Not just bills, homework and nagging people all around me, but to escape what my life has become. What I have somehow let it become. In trying to find my place in this world, I have made myself so busy that I have lost contact with what I want. I feel as if I can dream, but then I must come back to reality almost right away to fulfil the duty of an exam or planning a lesson. I just want to be rid of it all. Rid of the guilt. The pain. The bad memories. The loneliness.

I just want to be a hippie for a little while and travel to destinations unknown. I want to make my dream, my silly fantasy a reality, leaving everything behind, not caring what it is when I return (should I return).
My whole life people have just walked out, most of which without any sort of reason. I just wasn't enough anymore. And to be perfectly honest, I''m sick of not being enough. I'm tired of being no one's top five. I'm so frustrated with being left out, ignored, pushed aside.... I just want to get away and be with only me and God. I want to throw my phone in a lake, grab my ipod, bible, books for reading, a journal, my camera, a few clothes and just leave-- not worrying about where I am headed or what I am leaving behind.
I just want to go.


If only it weren't just a fantasy.

On days like today I LOVE living in Florida.
The sun was finally out again. The sky was incredibly blue.
I think it's what I would call the perfect day (weather wise of course).

I cannot stop listening to indie music lately. And so far I have added a few more artists to my music selection:
Yeah yeah yeahs -- Fever to Tell
The Hush Sound -- Goodbye Blues
Paramore -- Crushcrushcrush
Rilo Kiley-- Under the Blacklight

And now is the inevitable time for homework, after a quick bike ride, which in Jacksonville at night is not always the best idea.... but hey life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all (Helen Keller).

losing control

Ashley forwarded me this video. It's amazing! I've watched it about 4 times today.... It's kinda long, but I think it's COMPLETELY worth it.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

"her friends don't understand her,
she's a question without answers,
who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless,
but she needs to find her purpose,
she wonders what she did to deserve this and..
She's calling out to you, this is a call; this is a call out, '
Cause every time I fall down,
I reach out to you,
and I'm losing all control now,
and my hazard signs are all out,
I'm asking you, to show me what this life is all about.

They say someone out there sees us,
Well if you're real then save me Jesus,
cause I've been here for far too long.
I wasn't meant to feel alone."


---the song lyrics and the video kind of align with how I've been feeling. But the truth is, I know I'm not the only one feeling like that. And I know that I am more than this.
Baby steps.
With Him all things are possible. (Philippians 4:13)

we are not alone

Words can't express how much I love the people in my life.

I can't lie when I say I was worried about this past Thursday. It would've been my Dad's birthday and while I tried to pretend that it wasn't a big deal, it was. But luckily I have amazing friends that will bring me krispy kreme donuts for breakfast before work, others that went to a baseball game with me (and drove my drunken butt home) and helped me keep focus on the good things life has in store for me.

It's funny how when you need people, you see who really cares and steps in to hold your hand. Those are the people worth keeping. And those are the people I owe everything to.

I also had time to take down pictures off of my wall, in order to try and redecorate. This was how many pictures were on my wall. Kind of amazing if you ask me...