losing control

Ashley forwarded me this video. It's amazing! I've watched it about 4 times today.... It's kinda long, but I think it's COMPLETELY worth it.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

"her friends don't understand her,
she's a question without answers,
who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless,
but she needs to find her purpose,
she wonders what she did to deserve this and..
She's calling out to you, this is a call; this is a call out, '
Cause every time I fall down,
I reach out to you,
and I'm losing all control now,
and my hazard signs are all out,
I'm asking you, to show me what this life is all about.

They say someone out there sees us,
Well if you're real then save me Jesus,
cause I've been here for far too long.
I wasn't meant to feel alone."


---the song lyrics and the video kind of align with how I've been feeling. But the truth is, I know I'm not the only one feeling like that. And I know that I am more than this.
Baby steps.
With Him all things are possible. (Philippians 4:13)

we are not alone

Words can't express how much I love the people in my life.

I can't lie when I say I was worried about this past Thursday. It would've been my Dad's birthday and while I tried to pretend that it wasn't a big deal, it was. But luckily I have amazing friends that will bring me krispy kreme donuts for breakfast before work, others that went to a baseball game with me (and drove my drunken butt home) and helped me keep focus on the good things life has in store for me.

It's funny how when you need people, you see who really cares and steps in to hold your hand. Those are the people worth keeping. And those are the people I owe everything to.

I also had time to take down pictures off of my wall, in order to try and redecorate. This was how many pictures were on my wall. Kind of amazing if you ask me...

photo <3

My mom found this card the other day. I found it funny, she found it truthful.

Dan has been going on photoshoots with me lately. To me, it means the world, he hates being in pictures, but he lets me use him as a model. We may at times be rocky, we may have some bad times and misunderstandings, but on days like today, I can't help but smile when I think of him. And today he acted like my biggest fan. It was needed and appreciated.

Some photoshoot pictures: (more are on my flickr account)

saturdays are dress wearing days

---> my new dress. Perfect for work, school, and exploring the city on beautiful Saturdays.
....and today was a perfect example. It was a gorgeous Saturday. A perfect picture taking day in Riverside!

current goals

After being at work, bored to tears today, I realized that there are a lot of things in my life I need to change. So I decided to make a list of goals that I need to start working on in hopes that they would spark some kind of new life into me again.

-- I want to:

~take more pictures. Of course this means I need a new digital camera. I'm a little worried about the cost and that I'll pick the wrong one, but I've been wanting one for awhile, so I think it's time I splurged.

~not worry so much. Roll with the punches. Just take things as they come.

~be more girly in my attire and take the time to make myself feel better by dressing better

~be optimistic. This one will be the most difficult. It will mean going against how I've been for half of my life. But I think it's finally time this old dog learns new tricks.

~belt out a song everyday. Jsust to get myself smiling and have some fun. And should a dance join in, all the better.

~do more scrapbooking. It seems I am only in the mood while at work and unable to. But I want to do it more. I want to be more creative and finally get caught up.

~learn to love myself and being just with myself.

~grow in my relationship with God.

~try new things (and often).