Monday, January 21, 2008

the future

There are so many questions running through my mind.
I have made so many goals for myself for this year and I fear there are not enough.
I am wondering what I am doing. What am I suppose to be doing with my life? And why have I not figured it out yet?
I worry I am not strong enough.
I fear that I let people down too much and karma is coming back to kick my ass.

Mostly, I fear the unknown and the future. I am scared to death that I will be a lonely miserable old woman who no one found worthy enough to have as a wife. That no one will love me enough or see me in that way. And even worse, I'm scared that when/if that happens I won't be ok with being single. Single for awhile is ok. I have been good with that. But single for life? When all I have wanted is to be a wife and a mother (in the distant future of course).

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