buried no longer

Mere breathing hurts.

I am not sure who I have become, but she is a bitter jerk who seems to hurt everyone in her path (including those she loves the most).
So many have already left.
Why is it that I am continuing to push people away when I need them the most?

I feel like the real me is lost somewhere in this body screaming at the top of her lungs, asking her loved ones to stay, to keep trying, to forgive her. All she needs is time. She just needs time to figure things out and get her life back in order. But please, don't leave, don't walk away just yet.

If I have hurt you I am truly and sincerely sorry. It was never my intent.
If I passed you by I am so sorry for not noticing.
If I pushed you away I'm sorry I know now I should have pulled you closer.

I think what I am asking for is a second (or third, or fourth....) chance. You mean that much to me. I hope I mean that much to you as well.
I promise to try harder. I know what it is like to lose the ones I love and I don't want it to happen anymore.
But I suppose the choice is yours.

I will hold you dearly in my heart no matter what.