Monday, April 28, 2008

last day

Friday was my last day interning at the elementary school I've been working at all semester. It was sad, I really did grow fond of the students and teachers. It was an amazing experience that taught me so much and I hated that I had to leave....
And I seriously thought I was going to cry when the students all made me notes and drew me pictures saying goodbye and telling me that they would miss me.
I think after this semester I know more than ever that this is what I want and where I want to go in life. I have been questioning my choices and my goals for life for so long, but events like this help to remind me of what matters and what I want. And what I want is still the same as when I was five years old. I want to be a teacher.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

escape is near

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Don't tremble! Don't be afraid of them! The LORD your God is the one who is going with you. He won't abandon you or leave you."

So I finished my tattoo, finally. I know some don't see the point in tattoos or are completely against them, but I needed this permanent reminder on me that God is near and unlike the humans He created, He is not going anywhere.

Finals week is fast approaching. But I'm not stressed. But I do need an escape from the world, which I am luckily soon getting.

My birthday is in....... 12 days.
Can't wait.

Monday, April 21, 2008

buried no longer

Mere breathing hurts.

I am not sure who I have become, but she is a bitter jerk who seems to hurt everyone in her path (including those she loves the most).
So many have already left.
Why is it that I am continuing to push people away when I need them the most?

I feel like the real me is lost somewhere in this body screaming at the top of her lungs, asking her loved ones to stay, to keep trying, to forgive her. All she needs is time. She just needs time to figure things out and get her life back in order. But please, don't leave, don't walk away just yet.

If I have hurt you I am truly and sincerely sorry. It was never my intent.
If I passed you by I am so sorry for not noticing.
If I pushed you away I'm sorry I know now I should have pulled you closer.

I think what I am asking for is a second (or third, or fourth....) chance. You mean that much to me. I hope I mean that much to you as well.
I promise to try harder. I know what it is like to lose the ones I love and I don't want it to happen anymore.
But I suppose the choice is yours.

I will hold you dearly in my heart no matter what.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

new things, old things

I have come to the conclusion that Walmart sucks. No ifs, ands or buts, it is a fact.

27 days feels sooooo far away. Although I suppose it is 26 days now.....

On another topic, I want to go back to NYC!!!!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

ramblings of a bad writer

Ok, so I got bored at work one day and came up with an idea for a possible book that I knew I would never get around to writing. I wrote an introduction; however, that's as far as it has gone.
Due to recent developments, I don't think I will ever start; therefore, finish it. But here is the introduction. (And please, don't be too hard on my writing abilities, or lack there of).

Whoever disagrees with the fact that everything happens for a reason is in denial. It's difficult to explain how else a trip like ours could have worked out so perfectly. It is the only way in which to explain how in having a goal and randomly picking up a flyer could have changed my life.
Oddly enough though, it was indeed a flyer that threw off everything I knew and gave me more than I could have ever hoped for. I like to think that God had a hand in it. That he orchestrated the entire plan and what started out as a far fetched dream miraculously turned into the best trip I have ever taken as well as giving me some of the best friends I could have ever known.
How it happened, I still have yet to figure out, but that's not what matters. What matters most is that it did happen. Somehow a bunch of former outcasts all wound up on a plan to Europe together and created a lasting bond. The specifics may be a little vague, but it's the big picture that counts the most.
Somehow seven (?) people met and wormed their way into each other's hearts creating a group of friends from such different; yet, similar characteristics.
So here is the story of how the prom queen, the head cheerleader, the loner, the former fat kid, the star runner, the brainiac and the class clown all met and platonically (for some) fell in love and became the cornerstones in each other's lives.
It's nothing short of a miracle.

Oy, in rereading it, I can't believe I'm posting it...but here goes. We all need some laughs, eh?