Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I hate the phrase "grin and bear it". At least right now. I feel like my whole life I've just "grinned and beared it" just like everyone else has. Right now though, I don't want to hear it, I shouldn't have to hear it. I feel like what's going on in my life right now is so big that it elicits a better response than the typical "just suck it up and do it." Why do people say that? I know that for most things you do just have to suck it up and do it.
Been there.
Done that.
Bought the freakin t-shirt.
But this, this I can't just suck it up and do, I can't just grin and bear it and I can't handle hearing that from one more person as their friendly piece of advice.
Now I know that they only say this because they care, and I'm not trying to make their love or advice less than what it is; however, I am saying that I don't think this kind of advice proves helpful at this time. I need real advice. I need guidance. I need a voice talking me through the panic attacks I've been giving myself lately over all of this.

I also don't want this post to seem completely emo. I'm not. Life has really been great. There are of course low or sucky moments, but my life has had some interesting and amazing turns lately. Part of me is also excited for what is to come. But in thinking about my future, in thinking about what I want and how it's changed from even last year, that's where I get paniced. I use to know exactly what I wanted, now I don't. In some ways I love this, it's boring to know the future and have everything planned, BUT, in this one decison, in this one area of my life, I'm stumped and sooo afraid of making the wrong choice. That's why I can't just grin and bear it. I can't because I don't know if I want to anymore.

Who knows if this senseless rambling makes any sense to anyone but me, but here it is anyway. Written out for all to see.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

Hey Kel. I'm off work after 9 p.m. tonight so give me a call if you want/need to talk about any of it.