The other day I was reading a post by my friend Erin. And to be perfectly honest, it struck a cord. I kept thinking "Wow, that's me too" and "I do that".
Then I decided to stop caring about the lives of others on facebook. It's not exactly like you get the whole story anyway, more of what people want you to know (and they hide the bad stuff). But then it kinda got closer to home.....
The other night I had a nightmare about my lack of career. Granted I know it's hard to find a job in your field as soon as you graduate, but it's been over a year. And not only that, but I always thought finding a teaching job would be easy, and it's proven to be the exact opposite. And the frustrating thing in it all is that I know this is God's plan for my life. It's all I've wanted to do for the last 20 years of my life. But I just haven't found one yet. And that scares me and makes me incredibly sad.
So I tried not to think about the stupid dream.
And then my mind took me to another dark place. I started realizing that out of my closest 4 girl friends, I'm the only one whose life seems to be standing still.... One girl friend just had a baby. Another is moving soon to start seminary. Another girl friend just got engaged. And the 4th got a job this year that she absolutely loves.
Now don't get me wrong, I love that all of this is happening for them. They are all deserving of the absolute best, because they are the absolute best (why else would I be friends with them! hehe). But when I start to think of my life and how it's standing still and I feel like I'm getting no closer to anything I want, I get slightly discouraged.
So I started looking up bible verses, because I know that as a Christian we are taught not to compare our lives. God has different plans for each of us and all in His own timing. Only He knows what's in store for me. But at the same time, I just wish He'd let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard not to give up hope when you don't have that. However, I do have an amazing support system (which includes those 4 beautiful and amazing women) and that's been a lifesaver.
And don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life. I know that I am where I am suppoe to be. It's just that where I am isn't exactly where I want to be.
But in the meantime, I am enjoying the "waiting time" and soaking up what life has to offer.
But in the back of my mind I just keep asking myself "when will it be my turn?"
30 minutes after writing this, I got a phone call. That phone call lead to me getting a full-time teaching position!!!! So excited!