The other day I was reading a post by my friend Erin. And to be perfectly honest, it struck a cord. I kept thinking "Wow, that's me too" and "I do that".
Then I decided to stop caring about the lives of others on facebook. It's not exactly like you get the whole story anyway, more of what people want you to know (and they hide the bad stuff). But then it kinda got closer to home.....
The other night I had a nightmare about my lack of career. Granted I know it's hard to find a job in your field as soon as you graduate, but it's been over a year. And not only that, but I always thought finding a teaching job would be easy, and it's proven to be the exact opposite. And the frustrating thing in it all is that I know this is God's plan for my life. It's all I've wanted to do for the last 20 years of my life. But I just haven't found one yet. And that scares me and makes me incredibly sad.
So I tried not to think about the stupid dream.
And then my mind took me to another dark place. I started realizing that out of my closest 4 girl friends, I'm the only one whose life seems to be standing still.... One girl friend just had a baby. Another is moving soon to start seminary. Another girl friend just got engaged. And the 4th got a job this year that she absolutely loves.
Now don't get me wrong, I love that all of this is happening for them. They are all deserving of the absolute best, because they are the absolute best (why else would I be friends with them! hehe). But when I start to think of my life and how it's standing still and I feel like I'm getting no closer to anything I want, I get slightly discouraged.
So I started looking up bible verses, because I know that as a Christian we are taught not to compare our lives. God has different plans for each of us and all in His own timing. Only He knows what's in store for me. But at the same time, I just wish He'd let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard not to give up hope when you don't have that. However, I do have an amazing support system (which includes those 4 beautiful and amazing women) and that's been a lifesaver.
And don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life. I know that I am where I am suppoe to be. It's just that where I am isn't exactly where I want to be.
But in the meantime, I am enjoying the "waiting time" and soaking up what life has to offer.
But in the back of my mind I just keep asking myself "when will it be my turn?"
*** EDIT****
30 minutes after writing this, I got a phone call. That phone call lead to me getting a full-time teaching position!!!! So excited!
4 comments:
The hardest thing is to trust God's plans, but also the most important thing. It WILL be yous turn soon, i'm sure
I had that whole thing when I graduated university and I still get it now.
My best fried K has is working on her PHD Thesis as we speak - she's handing in, in September that will make her Dr K not just K (but in biochem or something like that so she'd be no good if you needed a Dr in an emergency lol.
Quite a few of my friends graudated and fell into jobs that they love or really suit them. I didn't I was unemployed for about 6 months - thought I was in a job that I'd love and I hated it I really hated it!
Now I work in Customer Service which isn't my first choice but I work with a caring bunch and hopefully one day I'll find that job for now I'm a wife and foster mum both that I didn't expect when I was 18 and started university.
God has got a plan and it's coming. Trust in him and don't stress :D
Although my situation isn't identical, I know how you feel. But we'll both get through it. :) I'm here for you Smalls!
<3
I think what makes us all feel like that is we think life is leading up to something - like some kind of big event. You think, "well when I get this job I feel accomplished." But then you get the job and your relationship becomes the unresolved thing. Then when that's all sorted, it's your friendships that aren't going anywhere. But life isn't necessarily about getting to the next step... it just IS. I know it's hard not to get caught up in comparing your life to others (God knows I'm guilty of it), but it's infinitely more contrastive to appreciate what you have now, and firmly believe there are even better things coming in the future.
I think any stage of life is a little unsatisfying, because life in general is a little unsatisfying. That's why God is the only constant source of joy and contentment. I think if we fully grasped his love for us, we would never want for anything.
Love you friend, excited for what this year holds for you.
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