my ministry for Him

I recently read this amazing book, Kisses From Katie. I was truly and deeply inspired and touched by it. And then I wandered upon a new blog (thanks to instagram). Afterwords, I began thinking about my life, my ministry for God.

I admire these women (some who are even younger than me) who have literally given it all up for the Lord. With the calling in their hearts, they left all that they knew, everything that was comfortable and left for an unknown land where God had so much in store for them. They were to be a vessel for Him to show His love to all they encountered. To make a difference for and through Him.
What an amazing thing, to be doing something so great for the good of the Lord. To know that you are doing exactly what He wants and where He wants.

My best friend has been doing this as well, as well as a few other friends I've had. They gave up their normal and stable lives here in Florida, here in the US, and left to fulfill the Lord's plans for their lives. Most made their way back to the US eventually (or even to Florida), but their faith and love of Christ was strengthened through this walk of theirs.
I always envied this kind of life. To give it all up for the Lord. To not know what I would be doing in this foreign land, but only knowing that it was what God was asking me.
But can I truly have this life when I seem to be struggling with knowing what God is saying to me now. In my everyday life? Like every other Christian, I struggle with knowing how to follow Christ all the time. I struggle with calling onto Him for every need I have. I think that I can do it on my own, and so I forget to ask Him. To praise Him. To thank Him. To love Him.

But then I wonder about my life. About what I am doing to help establish and further the kingdom of God, if anything at all because honestly most days I feel like I am doing nothing for Him and it truly makes my heart ache. He is the only reason I am here. The only reason that I didn't give up hope long ago. The only reason I get out of bed some mornings. And then I realized that even the Bible tells us that not all of us are meant to travel to a foreign land to fulfill His purpose and share His love. Some of us are meant to simply share His love, His peace, and His will with those in our own community. 

I've wanted to be a teacher since I was five years old. People always ask me why. What led me to that decision. Was there a teacher that sparked this choice? I've never known how to answer, because I've never even realized what they answer was. But suddenly this past weekend it hit me. Teaching was never my intent for myself really, it was all God's. I never had to make the hard choice of what degree I wanted, what career I wanted, or even what school I wanted, because all along He was making those choices for me. He wanted me here. Now. Doing this work. Now that I look back, it makes sense as to why I didn't feel quite like I was where I should be, or doing what I should be. I was preparing for this journey, for this career, for this life. A life where I could share Christ's love to all the students in my life by loving them as Christ loved me first. How could I not see that before?
Some of my students come from loving homes with two parents. But a lot of my students don't. They haven't been loved in the way that Christ loves us. But they can't understand Him or love Him without first seeing what it is to love (a line I read in Kisses From Katie).
With all of this now swirling in my mind, all I want is to be full of Christ's love. To be so consumed by Him and His love for all that my heart explodes with love for everyone I encounter, for every child I teach or hug. Even the trouble makers that make my job more difficult, I want to love them so much that even they see what it is to love like Him.
And while I already missed my sweet and precious students, I can't wait to go back. I can't wait to shower them with love and teach them not only what they need to know, but also what Christ wants them to know.

Thank you Lord, for reminding me of Your purpose for me all along. Thank you for giving me the love I have for these students and for children. Thank you for showing me that I can learn from them as well. They have the most generous hearts at times and they remind me of how amazing You are. Please Lord Jesus, help me in the coming year to give that love back to them even more than I have before. Help me to not run out, but continue to love as You have loved, never ceasing.
All these things in Your Holy Name I pray,
Amen.

thoughts on finally being a teacher

Today while I was up at the white board teaching, I suddenly felt like I was back in time.  I remembered being back in elementary school, hanging out in my playroom, writing on my mini chalkboard, pretending to teach to my stuffed animals and for a minute I had to stop and smile. On a day like today, twenty years ago I was hanging out at home, pretending I was a teacher and so excited for the day when I finally would have my own classroom. And it finally happened. I finally have my own room. My own whiteboard. My own students (who aren't stuffed animals... although at least those guys didn't talk back or threaten me....). It hasn't been easy by any means, but I felt so content at the fact that I have finally achieved the goal I wanted and worked at for so long. I feel like a real grown up. It's a little scary....

An on another note.... today was that day, the day I look forward to every year, October 10 (10-10).
 (You can see previous posts (and explanations) here, here, and here.)
Yet it was nothing out the of extraordinary. It was a good day, don't get me wrong, but nothing like I've been hoping for). Maybe next year.

-k

a bittersweet goodbye

Today I said goodbye to my law firm job. It was extremely bittersweet. I said goodbye to a place that has been like a second home to me for six years. I've seen so many people come and go through those doors, and now I've been added onto that list.
What's funny is that I've said so many goodbyes to that place, that it has yet to really hit home that this time it was my last. A few times I was simply filling in for someone. I also had to say goodbye when I left to complete school and took on my full-time internship. And now, I'm leaving for my dream job. Bittersweet is definitely the perfect word.
But I will miss all my coworkers and bosses. Today the 3 of us that are left went out to lunch. My boss, the gentleman he is, paid. And they gave me the sweetest card. I had to stop myself from crying, because it was that touching. These people have seen me grow up from a teenager to an adult, with an adult job. We've spent so many years together and have gotten to know each other and each others families. I feel like I'm closing a chapter in my life.
But I am excited for this new chapter. I'm scared, but I cannot wait to get to meet my students and explore science with them. I'm not entirely sure what this year has in store for me, but I'm anxious to learn.

Until then.......

-kel

questions and life

Yea, so it's been awhile....

There's just been so much going on. At least, so much going on in my head, keeping my occupied. I have 2 friends coming this week (so excited!!). I also have to clean my current roommate's room and such so we can try to show it and get yet another roommate. I've been doing tons of research and reading for my new teaching job. Plus I've been trying to get stuff together to decorate my new room (which I haven't even seen yet, boo!). Plus I've been running errands for others. I've also been contemplating switching my hair back to its original blonde.... which means yet another thing to plan.

Life is crazy. But good. Just so hectic and full questions.

The one thing I'm really frustrated about is the roommate situation. I feel like we just got one and now we have to look yet again. We've had several fall through and tons that either can't pay the asking price or have a dog. Sometimes I wish that Steven and I were rich and didn't have to worry about roommates. I'm just hoping that we find one really soon, and we get along, and they stay for more than 6 months. Cause this searching is getting old.

-kel

i'm FINALLY a teacher!

(via etsy)

Only a couple of days ago I wrote this emo-ish post about being ready for a teaching career. Not even 30 minutes later I got a call from a school I had interviewed at previously, asking me for a second interview. A few hours later I was offered a position and the next morning I accepted.
In one short month I will be starting my new career as a full-time 5th grade science teacher. I couldn't be more thrilled, nor more scared. But I think I will love working with my new co-workers and I trust in God to help me along the way. And I also am so happy that He has given me this opportunity!
-kel

comparing and other unlady like faults

The other day I was reading a post by my friend Erin. And to be perfectly honest, it struck a cord. I kept thinking "Wow, that's me too" and "I do that". 
Then I decided to stop caring about the lives of others on facebook. It's not exactly like you get the whole story anyway, more of what people want you to know (and they hide the bad stuff). But then it kinda got closer to home.....
The other night I had a nightmare about my lack of career. Granted I know it's hard to find a job in your field as soon as you graduate, but it's been over a year. And not only that, but I always thought finding a teaching job would be easy, and it's proven to be the exact opposite. And the frustrating thing in it all is that I know this is God's plan for my life. It's all I've wanted to do for the last 20 years of my life. But I just haven't found one yet. And that scares me and makes me incredibly sad.
So I tried not to think about the stupid dream.
And then my mind took me to another dark place. I started realizing that out of my closest 4 girl friends, I'm the only one whose life seems to be standing still.... One girl friend just had a baby. Another is moving soon to start seminary. Another girl friend just got engaged. And the 4th got a job this year that she absolutely loves.
Now don't get me wrong, I love that all of this is happening for them. They are all deserving of the absolute best, because they are the absolute best (why else would I be friends with them! hehe). But when I start to think of my life and how it's standing still and I feel like I'm getting no closer to anything I want, I get slightly discouraged.
So I started looking up bible verses, because I know that as a Christian we are taught not to compare our lives. God has different plans for each of us and all in His own timing. Only He knows what's in store for me. But at the same time, I just wish He'd let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard not to give up hope when you don't have that. However, I do have an amazing support system (which includes those 4 beautiful and amazing women) and that's been a lifesaver.
And don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life. I know that I am where I am suppoe to be. It's just that where I am isn't exactly where I want to be.
But in the meantime, I am enjoying the "waiting time" and soaking up what life has to offer.
But in the back of my mind I just keep asking myself "when will it be my turn?"

*** EDIT****
30 minutes after writing this, I got a phone call. That phone call lead to me getting a full-time teaching position!!!!  So excited!

back to reality

 Well.... vacation is definitely over. But luckily, Steven and I only had a 2 day work week and it's now the weekend! Huzzah!! 

I feel like our trip came at the perfect time. I was feeling so overwhelmed and stressed before we left. I literally was just over Jacksonville and all it had to offer (or lack there of). I was emotionally and physically drained. But the week away gave me clarity and some relaxation. I feel so much better for it. And the best part is that I was also ready to come home. I was ready to get back to work. Ready to see my girl friends. Ready to visit baby Keagan some more (my good friend Jen's 1 week old baby). Ready to sleep in my own bed.

Sometimes I think I just need a little boost and a quick reminder of how great life really can be. It's hard to see past the pitfalls and negativity at times. I feel like I've been dwelling too much on that lately. But now that I'm home again, I hope to not let it get me down.  In fact, I even got a rejection letter (subject to be talked about later) and didn't get upset. I didn't throw it away either, but bookmarked it with a note to myself. It's a good reminder that sometimes what we see as rejection isn't, but in fact it is just God saying "Not now" or "I've got something better in mind for you".

xo, kel

I can't believe that this school year is almost over. It feels like yesterday I was going in for my interview and suddenly offered a job on the spot. Since then I feel like I have grown so much, learned so much, and have gained some wonderful friends in the meantime.

I will be sad to say goodbye to my students though. Some for the summer and some for longer (since they will be graduating onto middle school). But I will forever cherish the memories I have made this year and the wonderful students that have been a part of them.

And I love that I have taken photos along the way to remember my first year as a somewhat teacher.

 

I am also especially grateful  for the pictures my students drew me (and that I was smart enough at the time to take photos to forever remember them....)

 

My students (of all ages) are incredibly smart and creative, like when they made their own chessboard from paper.

 

Or that time they got all upset about SOPA and went around telling everyone about it and how it was going to ruin the internet. And yes, they even covered the board with anti-SOPAness.

 Although, one of my favorite parts of this school year, was being with the pre-k 4s. As much as I absolutely love my older kids, it was nice to work with a younger group, that before I hadn't thought I would like working with. But these intelligent and bright little kids made my days. Especially their little drawings....

Like this one of me and one of the kids (drawn by her of course).

 And of course all of the work they made and put up in the hall. Especially these from the kindergartners.....

 But through it all, the holidays and corn picking, the cookie making, and card playing, the sing-songs, and book reading...I have enjoyed it all.

What an incredible year and learning experience.

-kellie

the search for jobs and roommates

I found these "poster like sayings" on pinterest and today I was definitely reminded (again) of their truth.

I've been struggling the past couple weeks (almost months) about trying to find a summer job (yet again). The jobs I currently am working for aren't necessarily going to be an option for me (due to money and schedules) and I've been stressing.

But today, a co-worker passed on a possible job opportunity for me. Not only that, but she's already recommended me and sang my praises.
It's one of those "God things". And I can't help feeling blessed.

Now I just need to remember this in regards to my search for a roommate. We have a month to find someone and while we had options, they fell through. I know that I need to just leave it up to God, and trust me I am trying.
After all, with Him things always work out. Maybe not the way you anticipated, but always for the best.

xoxoxo

kellie

moats and boats and waterfalls

This week has felt so off to me. Perhaps it's because the end of the school before the holidays is near (as in 2 days). Or maybe it's because I'm not ready for Christmas to be here yet. Or maybe because just like my students, I take time to adjust to new and different schedules. Or maybe it's that there has been so much going on lately. Or maybe I'm just weird.

Last week we cat and dog sat, I helped put up 2 Christmas trees (and both works), I tried to get Christmas cards together, I read tons of Eat Pray Love (which is amazing, by the way), and I tried not to get bogged down by the negative stuff going on. Not to say life hasn't been good, it has, but I feel that I am one of those people that always lets the bad overrun the good. I hate that. And I don't know if it took Steven saying something or me reading Eat Pray Love, or if it was just an inner thing, but I finally realized that I can and need to change that aspect of myself.

Let me just write a side note here to say how strange it feels to be sharing this on such a public forum (especially since I try really hard to keep my blog a "positive thinking" place). However, in a way I feel like if I own up to it, I will finally be forced to change this habit. I'll be given accountability. And maybe this time next year when I'm looking back at old blog posts I'll be able to point and laugh at my old self who was more of a pessimist.

So that's life in a nutshell (and in instagram photos, haha).

-kellie

ps...if you have instagram, you can find me here: kelzify

one crazy week

While my blog may have been quiet this past week, my life certainly has not been. So here's the story) and don't worry, it comes with photos.

Since Halloween is coming up, Steven and I decided to get a jumpstart on our fall traditions.

We went to the pumpkin patch (conveniently located across the street)

We also had our annual "fright night", consisting of scary movies in a row with some homemade chilli, by yours truly. Although this year, I also decided (thank you pinterest) to add some scary treats to the mix too!

(one downer: I was kinda sick. boo colds)

They didn't turn out as well as I would've liked, but at least I worked out the kinks before Halloween!

And of course there was also pumpkin carving!

I really wanted to make my pumpkin all by myself this year (since last year I had no clue what I was doing at Steven had to come to my rescue....it was my first time carving afterall). Thank you pinterest and hgtv.com for the help on the outlines!

And of course, we cooked some pumpkin seeds!

Saturday since I felt better Steven and I had a date day. I tried really hard to keep everything we were doing a surprise, but when you have 2 bikes in the back of your car, it's hard to not know what's going on..... oh well. We biked, had a picnic, and played paddle ball in the park. All in all an awesome morning/afternoon with my love.

and in case you are wondering why I'm looking funny....I wanted to make sure the light was still red.

Saturday night my girlfriend Jenn and I went shopping. And I may or may not have tried on this giant sock monkey onsie for adults. But it's not like I walked around the store in it....oh wait...I did. haha

Sunday, the wonderful boyfriend came home from work at lunch and surprised me by taking me to Cracker Barrel. I'm seriously in love with their home-cooking style food, but hey, who isn't??

And Monday night was the Jaguar home game versus the Ravens.

*we won*

The down side to Monday night was a lost my phone in a porta-potty. Before you get too grossed out, let me explain.... It only fell on the floor, which yes is nasty enough.

Then, some girl took my phone. I seriously thought I'd die when I realized not only was it gone, but she could get a hold of all my personal info from it! YIKES! Luckily, there are decent people out there, and her boyfriend returned the phone the next day. And my amazing boyfriend went to pick it up. *whew*

This week also had some more down sides though.....

-My step-dad had to go to the hospital for tests and has been there all week. Happily, he gets to go home today, but his tests weren't all that great. If you have made it this far in my post, please keep him in your prayers.

- I've had a lot of long nights and I'm ready for a quiet weekend.

Last night though, I got some down time with some of my favorite girl friends. We ordered pizza and made some halloween crafts for our party coming up!!

So there's my crazy week. Now it's time to take a definite breather!

oh and TGIF!!!!!

xo

kellz

52 lists in 52 weeks// week 13

List of the week:
Things I love about my job.
(whether your job is a teacher, lawyer, mother, daughter, sister, student, etc......)

My lists (yes...lists):


Things I love about Forever 21:
the music they play
the clothes I get to sell
some of the awesome co-workers I have
a discount (even though it's not too much)
the fashion inspiration I get from working there
the shorter hours
that I get paid to do something that's kinda fun for me



Things I love about working at a local private school:
my co-workers
the kidos I get to spend my days with
the hours
waking up late
spending mornings with little ones (pre-k) and the afternoons with the big ones (4-6th)
the school
the possibilities that could come with it (possible awesome teaching job)
the pay
the actual work


What's on your list(s)???
Don't forget to add your list to our flickr group and link up!!

time to celebrate!

Break out the champagne, get some confetti, light up some sparklers, and bring on the balloons, we're celebrating. (Okay, more like I am celebrating).
This Monday I had an interview and not only did I get the job, but my now boss told me I was the only one she wanted to interview and hired me on the spot!!! It was an incredible feeling. For the first time, I interviewed for a job I so badly wanted. Granted, working at Forever 21 is awesome and I did hope for the job, but this one is different. If I didn't get the job I would've been upset and the night before I was mentally trying to prepare and not get too excited. When I was offered the job, I said yes right away. It may not be my "dream job" but it's a definite foot in the door. Yall are now looking at an extended day, homework academy teacher. I may not have my own classroom and I may only teach for an hour a day, but it will be well worth it. The school is a private one in Duval and I am hoping to one day get a teaching job there (crossing my fingers hoping).

So this Monday I will start. We're having a meet and greet time and I get to introduce myself to the rest of the staff, parents and students I will be working with this year. I cannot wait. Seriously.
I am therefore celebrating (on my own) with drinks and pretty balloon photos. Monday will be a big day....
And here goes working 2 jobs again. This time, I'm kinda looking forward to it though.

Thanks for stopping by to share in the moment with me!!

xoxo
kel