Wednesday, November 7, 2007

lost in thought

Nikki Grimes once wrote "pain melts into memory". I'll give her that... but sometimes, memory causes pain.
This past week has been tough and it seems that the hits just keep coming. And all I really want is my Dad. I want him to hold me tight like he did when I was a little girl and tell me that things will all work out. I wouldn't believe anyone else, but I would believe him, because he's my Dad. He knows all right? Or did... But somehow him reassuring me would make it all better. But he's not here. And tonight, I'm having difficulty dealing with that. Tonight, I'm not sure I am ok. And being without him.... hurts like no other pain.

It's hard to describe what it's like to lose a parent and a best friend. Yes, I at least know he is in a better place, but there are so many times when I wish he were here with me, to help get me through life. Or that I was with him. Both of us in a better place. But tonight... we are so far away. Both in different places and all I can do is miss him and try to fight back the tears. All I can do is pray that somehow I won't fall apart.