Was the worst day of my entire life. No other horrible day has come even close. Sometimes I wish that memory would simply fade from my mind, but at the same time it has helped shape me. To be honest though, if I could change any event in my life, I would change what happened that day (not that I could).
Sometimes I feel like I talk about my dad's death so much it's like a broken record. The last thing I want to do is annoy people or even sound like a major debbie-downer. But it's so hard to pretend like this day is the same as any other day of the year. Even Father's Day and his birthday have been difficult, but over the years I have tried to turn those days into happy ones, where I can celebrate his memory and how wonderful of a person and father he was. The day of his death though is another story....I can't "celebrate" anything. Yes I am glad he's in a better place, but the selfish part of me is angry and deeply sad that he's no longer here. He's missed out on so much on my life, that I know he would've wanted to be a part of.
I'm thinking about you today. Honestly, I think about you everyday. I miss you more than I could put into words. While the pain that filled my heart when you left is for the most part gone, there is now a different kind of a pain. A pain of knowing that you aren't here. You haven't see the last 10 years of my life, my first love, my prom, my college years, my first job, my graduation from high school and college.... And all that is to come you won't get to be a part of either. I hate that. But, I am so glad that I had 14 years with you. You were the best father a girl could ever ask for and I miss you like crazy. Thank you for always putting me first and loving me. I am incredibly thankful for those 14 years.
With all of my love,