Yes, another blog post about feelings. Mine to be exact. And while it may not be of interest to anyone but myself, I have this need to write it all down, because today was so wonderful, and I want to remember it. Let me rephrase, it wasn't exactly today but a certain situation of today. First I should backtrack.....
For the past few months I have began feeling extremely and intensely overwhelmed with work. I began questioning myself, what I was capable of, and if I was good enough. The worst of it all is that this is something I've wanted for so long and to then feel like I was failing, hurt. Painfully. I just kept asking myself, what if I am just not cut out for this? Granted, there was also a little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that there is a reason I've wanted this for so long and it's doubtful it's only been my wish for my life.
So.... it began yesterday. I started looking for some pins on pinterest to help with my lessons, because if I don't have those tricks up my sleeve yet, I can at least borrow them! Then, all of a sudden I started finding tons of amazing ideas that I could actually use and I got excited. I literally became giddy about using these techniques in class.
Then today, for the first time in too long, I tagged along with a friend and visited her church. And it was a "God thing". The sermon almost brought me to tears as it filled me with a sense of renewed excitement. I suppose you could also compare it to a light bulb going off moment. The pastor talked about fulfilling the God potential in us all, how He created us with a purpose in mind, and how He sees the potential of us. It was as if God was trying to remind me that the small voice in my mind, telling me that I had a purpose, and that teaching would fulfill that, needed to be listened to. And there are so many points from that sermon that stuck with me....
"God created you to love you and do great things through you"
"Even then God had designs on me. Why, when I was still in my mother's womb He chose and called me out of sheer generosity!" Galatians 1:15
"'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not evil, to give you a future and a hope'". -Jeremiah 29:11
"My abilities are beyond what I can see, so I trust God for what He can see."
"Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power He can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine" - Ephesians 3:20
I must surrender myself and my life to God daily.
".....Are you called to help others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then God will be given glory in everything through Jesus Christ. All glory and bower belong to Him forever and ever. Amen." - 1 Peter 4:11
I choose to believe that God wants to do the miraculous in me, and it will be the most exciting aspect of my life. I simply just need to chose His will and remember that through Him all things are possible.
I may be stressed and worried with work, but it will be His energy and strength that get me through, because it is His will and His purpose for my life. And haven't we always been told that a life following Christ isn't the easiest, but it is the best? I am just so grateful that He reminded me of this today. That He loves me enough to call me out and then renew me. And while I know He will probably have to do this many more times, I feel a weight lifted off me and a sense of joy that I had pushed away. And I can't wait to go to work tomorrow and love on those students of mine.
Praise be to God.
ps sorry if there are any typos....chloe decided to cuddle with me and the computer....