I'm not even sure how to start this except to say that I'm fed up and miserable. Oh gosh, it sounds like the worst pity party ever doesn't it?? (It's not I promise...okay well just a tad).
Truth is, I haven't really mentioned my health all that much here. I've talked about not feeling well several times, but left it at that. Today though, I am just miserable and I can't take it anymore.
This time last year I had tons of tests and blood work done to check out what was going on. I finally was put on medicine and it seemed to be working perfectly until about 2 months ago. Since then it's worse than it ever was and the meds no longer help. My stomach is constantly in pain and there have been mulitple days where I've gone without eating because food made it worse (or I was afraid it would). I never thought I'd be afraid to eat because I was afraid of the pain it would cause.
This whole thing has been on and off since middle school (and probably started around the time my parents divorced), but since college it's come back with avengence and in the past couple months it's been unbearable.
Right now I'm working with my doctor's office taking more samples and bloodwork, trying to figure out why I'm still having these problems, but so far the results haven't given me much.
I know that I could be a lot worse off and I know that there are lots of people in more pain than I am. Perhaps this is why I've never mentioned any of this before...I hate talking about something that seems so small in comparison to what others are going through. (And I'm mentally hating myself for writing this post right now).
But today, after I left the doctor's office I just sat in my car and cried. I hate this. I hate that I don't feel normal much anymore. I hate that I have to cancel plans with family and friends because my stomach hurts so badly all I can do is sleep in hopes of not hurting. I hate that I'm afraid to eat. Yes, special diets and laying off specific foods has helped, but these days it doesn't even matter....I hurt no matter what I eat. I'm just f***ing miserable and I'm at a loss for what to do.
Please just pray and/or send good thoughts this way. I could really use all I can get right now.
Thanks everyone (especially if you made it this far into my post!!! kudos! seriously)