the heartbroken

Heartbreak is never easy, no matter what the break is caused by....

Lately, I've been having a really hard time getting over being hurt. It makes me wish that I was a different person- someone who was less jealous and angry and bitter. Someone that was instead forgiving and loving, and most importantly, able to move on.

Over a year ago I lost the person I considered to be my best friend. Actually, I lost a few really good friends, but this one hurt the most--more than any break up I have ever had (and I thought those were the worst). But in retrospect, it does make sense-- I trusted her, my best friend, more than any guy (because let's face it, girlfriends are typically more loyal and caring than boyfriends). But the point is, I lost my best friend and I still to this day am confused about what happened....

But now all these things are happening in our lives, and I am not apart of it. Friends I still have are apart of her life, but I'm not. It feels like s giant slap in the face and instead of trying to move on all I can feel is anger and bitterness. I felt like I did nothing wrong and yet I'm the bad guy. I'm the one out of the loop and I guess what I'm more upset about....I'm the one that is not able to move on. Her life is great and everything we both wanted out of it. My life feels like it is barely going anywhere. I feel trapped in a body and a life that I don't (and never did) want. And it's lonely. I constantly feel lonely.

This is probably too deep a post for silly 'ole blogger....but I feel like there is no other place to vent these feelings-- there is no one else I can talk about it with. So please forgive me for being perhaps too blunt and of course too emo.

I promise to make the next post a happy one.

--k