Friday, August 24, 2007

I really expected to feel different today. It is after all the day I dread all year long. But for some reason I am not sad. Maybe that part of grieving is over... or maybe I have just come to accept the truth. I fear though, that it's just that I am no longer missing a person, but missing a fictional, dreamlike character. My memories that include him seem so distant and as if I just made them up. I have forgotten what he sounds like (so I watch home movies) I have forgotten his smell but worst of all I can't cry about today. What happened six years ago today is still as vivid to me as if it had happened only yesterday, yet the emotions seem to have vanished.
I still miss him like crazy though. He was one of those rare people that loved me in spite of all my flaws. His love didn't increase or decrease due to mistakes I made. He always treated me in the same loving way, never judging, always trusting. He knew that I would come into my own and never pushed me to be anything but me. He was one of the best people I have ever known, and I don't think I would be who I am had he not been apart of my life. And I must admit, the world also feels just a little bit darker and colder without him.


this is my sundown said...

He was a good man, I only wish I could have gotten to meet him in person. But I feel like I know him already because of all the stories and qualities I've heard you mention about him. I shall see you soon!

a dance toward God said...

This post is a really beautiful sentiment, it's like you some how wrote out how our parents love us in a way that is different than how anyone else does. The good thing is that you have a community of people around you that were friends with him, and loved him and that reality will never let him fade into just a story.

Love ya

jessica said...

I am crying reading this. Kellie, I love you no matter what and am praying for you.