A-Z// i is for....

I is for...indecision.

I'm one of the worst at making decisions. And since my friends, mom, and boyfriend are all there with me on this- it's always difficult picking anything.... place to eat, what to do....etc.
But I am probably the worst one.

I'm not entirely sure why making choices is so difficult for me, but somehow I always end up over thinking things so badly, I end up with no decision. I've done this with buying cars, buying dogs, to even buying clothes or what food to order. It's such a silly thing too. Part of me even yells at myself to just freaking pick something!! But there always are the "what-if's" and "am I really sures"?  (And yes, I even think this while ordering food.)

I was also indecisive about writing this blog post. Should I put this word as my "i"? Could I come up with another subject for this word? What about "ice cream"?  I mean, I love ice cream! But could I really write a whole post on it? (Actually, I probably could). But I want this series to be more serious and about who I am, because one day I'm going to look back on this and think "wow, that's how I was back then" or "yup, still the same". 

So if I had to describe myself in so many words, indecisive would be one of them. I don't think its that I'm incapable of making choices- I do and I can. It's just that I'm worried about making the wrong one, usually because I'm afraid of upsetting someone. This sounds super silly I'm sure- but I honestly do try to please others. I don't exactly love this trait about myself, which is why I honestly am trying to curb it a little bit. However, in some ways I'm thankful for having this characteristic, because at least I know I'm not making rash decisions. I have to take days to make some choices- which is good and bad I guess.

xoxo
love,
kel

A-Z// h is for....

h is for....Home
My home to be more specific.

This post was really difficult to write (which would explain the long delay between these A-Z posts). 
My home isn't exactly my dream place, nor is it in the condition I wish it were. It may have to do with the fact that I've lived here since my sophomore year of college, so it still feels more like a dorm than a grown up home.

It's crazy to think that I've lived in this place for 7 years now. It was my first place away from home (that wasn't a dorm) and it was my first homeownership.  This place has seen me turn from a shy college girl, to a professional with her shit together (for the most part anyway). And it also tells a lot about me.... for instance,  if I had to sum up my place in a few words, I would say "cluttered, dark, small, and messy." But I don't mean it in a completely negative sense. Thinking along these lines helps me to see more of who I am and helps me figure out how I want to change my place into what Steven and I both really want.
So before you start thinking that I'm this gross, homebody that needs to star in her own episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive, let me explain.....

It's cluttered because 1- I've lived here for so many years and accumulated a lot of crap, 2-because I inherited things from my mom, dad, grandma, uncle, and step-dad. Odd and ends have helped fill the place, but they don't necessarily go together. It was great during my college days when I just wanted something to fill the empty void, but now it feels, well....cluttered.  And 3- I hate tossing things. Steven has helped me in this area though, so I'm not as bad as I once was. But it's just so hard to get rid of things that have a memory behind it, or I think I might need (or use in the classroom). I had to face the truth though, if a giant piece of cardboard has been sitting in my closet for years, its very unlikely I'll ever use it and I need to toss it. Poor Steven has had a rough time with helping me figure this out, but at least I'm on the road to recovery!!!

It's dark, because unknown to me at the time of purchase, it's location doesn't get a lot of sunlight. Ever. So it seems more like a cave than anything, which is good for movies and sleeping in, but not for trying to be active or fighting being sad or depressed.

 It's small, because it's only a 2 bedroom condo. Actually, in size it may be considered smaller for a home, but for us, it really is the perfect size. For now.

And it's messy for the simple reason of I hate cleaning. I put it off for as long as possible and that's awful (trust me I know). Plus having  puppy who sheds and is getting potty trained doesn't exactly help either. But I'm working on it and I plan on giving it a deep clean in a week or so when school lets out.

In realizing the faults and cons of my place and knowing what I wish I had, I've also come up with some to-dos for our place that I hope will help turn it into more of a grown up home. Of course, a lot of them will take a toll on my budget and time, so they are more of long term goals.
- get hardwood floors for the living area
-get a new sofa
-new cabinets
-new lighting in the kitchen
-declutter the dining room
 -replace the bathroom hardware


PS. If you're interested, I've posted pictures every one and again here and here, if you were curious.

xo
kel

A-Z // g is for....

G is for.....God

 I've posted about my history and feelings on church, what it should be/can be and is to me before. 
But I guess this is where I should stress that while some people see church and God as synonymous, I don't.  I may have been raised in the church, but my faith on God has not come solely from church. Likewise, while there have been numerous times where I have shied away from church, I have never wandered from God.

I thought about making this post more about church, and then I realized my relationship with God has formed me as a person more than church. Perhaps this is because it's been hard for me to completely trust churches. They are man made- they are imperfect because they are run by humans and humans have flaws. However, God is perfect and being God in the flesh, Christ was perfect as well. This is why I have so much more faith in God and my relationship with Him than I do in church. People mess things up, get confused, and hurt each other. God does none of these things, but instead loves us and forgives us for all of our many mistakes.
So this is my story- the story about how God has taken my life and made it what it is. Of why I chose and still choose to believe in Him.

My relationship with God doesn't have a start date (or at least one that I can remember like a lot of Christians). I don't remember the day I started believing in Christ or even when I asked Him to come into my heart for the first time. His love and presence is just all I have known. But I do remember when I was baptized. I remember several occasions where I've asked Him to come into my heart and make it new- make me whole again.  And I do remember the most pivotal time of our relationship- the moment I knew there was a God and that I was utterly lost without Him.

Twelve years ago I had the worst day of my life. I was waking up out of a horrible dream at my best friend's house. It was the first day of high school and I had just dreamt that my dad had been lying dead on his living room floor. When I woke up, it was still dark outside and I heard a car door slam shut. I waited several minutes until finally my mom came through the front door. Even then I kept hoping for good news. There had to be another reason why my dad hadn't answered my phone calls all weekend, or why he hadn't picked me up on our usual Sunday date. Then my mom told me what had been my worst fear- my dad was dead.
The first week after my dad's death is still  a blur. I remember sleeping in my mom's bed, unable to leave her side. And I remember my friend Kim bringing me makeup homework. But that's it. I don't even remember crying (except for the funeral). I think it just took awhile to sink in. Then, when I found out my bad dream had been similar to what had actually happened, I felt raw.
It was during this time that I struggled the most with my relationship with God. I was angry that my dad had been taken, both at such a young age and without any warning. I was confused why I hadn't been allowed to say goodbye. And I was scared of what life without my dad would mean. I remember knowing that my life was at a crossroads and I contemplated which way I wanted to go. I could fight what was happening and be the troubled teenager. I could just give up caring and trying and it wouldn't hurt as much (or so I thought at the time). Or I could pray. I could turn it all over to God and let Him take away my hurt and pain. This would of course take a lot of faith and while I knew it would be an extremely tough decision, it would also mean an easier life for my mom.
It didn't take as long to decide as I thought it would and I quickly decided that while it would be a difficult road, I wanted to lean on God. I knew within it all that He would guide and love me through all of it. For the next 4 years I was tested on this choice, like I knew I would be. It wasn't easy to take that leap of faith and leave it all to God. When my dad died, our monetary support was gone. We struggled for years to keep food on the table, but my wonderful mom and I both put our trust in God. We knew that He would be with us. Things may be tight, but He would never fail us.
Finally, when I turned 18 things changed for us and we no longer had to worry as much about money. It was such a blessing and it was then that I knew this blessing was God's gift for following Him and trusting in Him to provide.
And He has been providing, guiding, loving, and forgiving me ever since. It was a decision I have never regretted and one that I remake everyday.

Following God has never been easy. It hasn't always been popular. But it is the most fruitful. I have never had more joy in my life than when I have followed God's will for me and my life and trusted in Him.  I may not always be great at it either, but every day I keep trying my best.

-kel

A-Z // f is for....

 

F is for.....Florida (in case you hadn't already guessed).

I've lived in Florida all my life. 

And I wouldn't have it any other way....at least for now.

 There is just so much it has to offer.

Disney World

Universal Studios
Sea World

Wet and Wild

amazing beaches

Key West

the oldest city in the US (Pensacola)

and the oldest maintained city in the US (St. Augustine)

sunshine and warmth

Miami

Ft. Lauderdale (which use to be Spring Break capital)

Daytona Beach (home of NASCAR and the current Spring Break place)

I've always lived in Florida. I feel kinda lucky in that way. 

Currently, I live in Jacksonville, known as the First Coast. 

It's the nation's largest city (area wise). 

It has tons of parks. 

It's in the heart of the Bible Belt.

Since we're a "bold city" we have a lot of different areas of town and I love that. There's the beach, artsy, downtown, country, college  ghetto, posh, old new, shopping district....

We have 7 bridges in our city. The Main Street and Dames Point are my favorites. 

The bridges are now lit up at night (and have been since we hosted to Super Bowl).

We have a football team: Jaguars.

And a AAA baseball team: The Suns.

 

It's also where my sister and her family lives.

Where my mom and stepdad now live.

Where I went to college.

And graduated college.

Where I fell in love.

Where I met the most amazing new friends in my life.

Where I became roommates with my bff and sister from another mister.

Where I bought my first home.

Where I got my first teaching job. 

Where I started my small little family (of Steven and Chloe).

Where I got my third puppy, Chloe.

Where I discovered my love of photography.

Then there is South Florida. More specifically Coral Springs and Ft. Lauderdale, which is where I grew up.
It is very multi-cultural, which is part of why I love it so much.
The beaches are awesome.
It also is home to Las Olas Boulevard.
It's a completely different atmosphere and way of life than in Jacksonville. There is no southern charm and manners to it, instead it's charm is more about the beach and upscale ways of living.

 

Growing up in South Florida was incredibly special. I feel like it gave me a life and insight that I would have otherwise never have had. 

It's where I made my first church family.

Where I met my first love and high school sweet heart.

Where I met an incredible group of friends.

Where my faith in God really grew. 

It's where I began to question church,

but then came around and starting loving it again.

It's where I met my biffle and sister from another mister. 

Home to the best house ever.

The last place my parents were together.

The last place I saw my dad.

Where I learned to drive.

Where I got my first puppy, Coco.

Where I went to school.

Where I grew up.

I will always have fond memories of this place, even if I never move back there (or want to) it's home and I love it.

And finally there's Pensacola. Where I was born and spent the earliest part of my life. 

 Where I was born. 

Where I still have family that's so close, I call them family. 

Where I visit every Thanksgiving.

Where I call home.

Home of the prettiest beach.

Home of the sandshaker- most amazing drink!!!!!

The first city of the USA (St. Augustine is the first maintained city- Pensacola was the first but then was basically blown away by a hurricane. How's that for a history lesson???)

Where I got my second puppy, Aubre.

Yup, Florida is amazing. And I love it here. 

-kel

A-Z// e is for....

E is for..... Europe.

I have this obsession with Europe. I've been twice in my life (definitely not enough!!) and I want to go back more than anything.

It all started when I was in the 4th grade. My aunt and uncle moved to England, so one summer my mom and I spent a month with them. It was perhaps one of the best times of my life. It was also when I fell in love with England. London is the most amazing city and so full of history. We also took a weekend trip to Paris, which I have to admit, I was not a huge fan of.
But England was amazing (even if I didn't enjoy high tea time).
 And I am convinces that London is one of the best cities ever!.
To make things even better, our trip was also during the Spice Girls reign of music- so that made it even more fun to tour.
This is also where my obsession with Tudor history began. (I began collecting books then and I've read sooooo many more, especially about Anne Boleyn.  And yes, The Tudors was one of my favorite shows.


Then my obsession became even stronger during my freshman year of college. When I was in high school I had heard about Prague and how gorgeous and amazing it was, so I decided at some point I would have to visit.
Skip forward a few years and I'm sitting in my freshman history course and I see a flyer about a study abroad program taking place in several countries, but the place that caught my eye??  Prague, Czech Republic. I knew then and there that I just had to go. Somehow. Granted, I was kind of poor at the time, but I wanted to go so badly that I'd find a way. And I did.

I spent two weeks traveling to 4 countries with 2 professors and about 19 other students who I barely knew. It was one of the best times of my entire life. Not only was the traveling amazing, the history incredible, but I fell in love with my classmates (well most). I have amazing memories and some of them are still my very good friends. But I digress....

Europe.

We started in Germany. Berlin to be more exact. I should probably mention that I absolutely, positively love history (part of what also intrigued me about this trip) and the fact that it is so rich in WWII and Cold War history made me giddy like a freaking little girl. It was so amazing to see all these places I had only ever read about. And while visiting places like Concentration Camps was heartbreaking (to say the least) I loved how much I learned and that I got to actually see these places. It was almost as if it become more real to me (which sounds a little bitchy, I'm sorry- I don't mean it like that). It's just that after only reading about events and places they sometimes begin to seem like just a made up place in a made up time, but coming face to face with all of this past made it a million times more real to a girl who was born 40 years and a giant ocean away from such atrocious places.

I will also say that Berlin has an amazing city life- I felt like I was constantly going. And their food (and beer was absolutely AMAZING).

We also toured Krakow, Poland, which was amazing. We were there the same time as the Pope, so alcohol was prohibited and it was also insanely packed everywhere, including at Auschwitz (where he was giving a speech).

But it was still a good trip and the food was absolutely incredible. I really looked forward to the food here the most since my step-dad is Polish and has cooked Polish food for us before. It definitely didn't let me down.

Then there was Prague, Czech Republic. The place that had made me sign up for this trip. The city that I had been almost dying to see for several years. The hotel we stayed at was in the middle of the ghetto and since it was incredible sketchy (both the part of town and hotel) I cried the entire first hour of being there. Then, to make things worse, everytime we visited the main part of the city men tried to make us enter their strip clubs or by hard drugs. I may be prude, but that is not my idea of a good time on vacation (or in general). Can you tell that even after 7 years I'm still bitter about this city???

But Budapest, Hungary was pretty awesome and kind of made up for the loss (kind of). It was also the last city we went to. It started off rocky though, since apparently the city is split in two: Buda and Pest (and they are divided by a river). Which doesn't help when you need to be on the other side of the river to get correct currency, but no way of getting there.  But that's besides the point.

(Buda on one side and Pest on the other).

I feel like I've only visited the smallest percent of Europe and already my love for the continent is astounding. But it's taught me so much, shown me so much, and introduced me to so much. I have so many memories for my trips and I've met so many amazing people from these places as well.

Now I just need to get back there!!!!!!
-kel

A-Z // d is for....

D is for.... dating

Like most other things in my life, I was a late bloomer in dating. Shocking I'm sure (especially if you know me, hehe)!  My dating life also has an embarrassing past (although that pretty much sums up all teenage years for anyone I guess).  However I've learned a lot from my mistakes, blunders, and what the hell was I thinking moments.

My first crush was in the 5th grade. The day he found out I was so embarrassed I wanted to cry. Looking back on it, I'm sure it was one of my girl friends that shared the delightful news with him, but at the time I was completely bewildered on how he knew. To make things worse, I was so shy that once he found out I couldn't even look at him. (It didn't help that we were in the same class either).

Later on in 8th grade I had another crush- this time when he found out though I had the sense not to freak out and go running the other way. No this time my match-maker friend decided to interfere and pushed us into talking to each other. And I mean she literally pushed me into him to talk to him. At the time I was proud of myself, I didn't freak out and run away, but I didn't exactly make great conversation. This was the first time I actually talked to a guy I liked and I thought liked me back. The lame conversation continued and a few weeks later on our 8th grade field trip to Adventure Landing theme park, he hooked up with a good friend of mine. I definitely found my voice after that.

Then, in 9th grade, my freshman yer of high school I got a new crush- who also happened to be a senior. The same match maker friend again convinced me to do something and afraid of repeating the previous years mistakes, I actually made a move. Of course, I should've thought "the move" through a little more. Without having ever of talked to this boy, I walked right up to him while we all switched classes and gave him my number and mumbled something along the lines of "just in case". Lame, I know. I still blush thinking of that painful moment. Turns out, he also had a girlfriend (yea- definitely didn't think this through). For the next couple of months I got a lot of weird stares from the seniors of our school, especially his girlfriend.

My first boyfriend was my junior year in high school and lasted a whole 2 months. The best part of the relationship was probably that he broke up with me the day after my birthday.

Mt first love was the next year. It was a great relationship and I still think back fondly on those times. He was (and is) one of the best guys I've ever known. I learned a lot from that relationship and especially from him.

From that point until this time I've dated a few other guys and I've learned even more lessons. Some were hard to learn, but I learned them nonetheless. And I'm so grateful that I did, because it's brought me to where I am now in life and love. I've made tons of embarrassing mistakes with Steven as well, but luckily it's nothing as bad as my earlier moments. And I'm also lucky that he is just entertained by them and doesn't hold them against me. I'm a very lucky girl.

-k

A-Z // c is for....

C is for...cooking

And if you know me well, please hold your laughter until you read my explanation.

I've never really been fond of cooking. Baking-yes, but cooking not so much. I'm not entirely sure of why I dislike this activity so much (especially since I love food).
I could use the old excuse "that's not how I was raised", which is somewhat true. My mom, llike most moms these days was a working mom. She also provided for our family, but that usually consisted of quickly made meals after long days at the office. When I got older (and these are the memories I can most remember) my mom was a single mom. She worked lots of hours to make sure she could provide for us, so when she came home the last thing she wanted to do was make a large meal (especially for only two). I wish I could say I was a good daughter and tried to help out with the cooking, but I didn't. I just was use to and was okay with quickly made meals or fast food. Then of course as I got older and stayed out with friends, fast food because a staple. (Gross I know). 
Then there were the college years. I moved out on my own, one year in the dorm and the rest in an apartment. I wasso  preoccupied with school, work, friends, and boys that I barely made time for food, let alone to cook it.
So here I am, a few years out of college and I still haven't gotten that "cooking bug". Sometimes I chalk it up to not being used to it and other times I blame it on lack of interest. Whatever the reason, it still doesn't exactly explain why the pinterest board of mine with the most pins is the food one. Although if you look at the pins, I guess you can tell most are desserts and sweets. Go figure right?

So I guess this post would be more appropriately titled of " c is for....[lack of] cooking". 
You might be curious why I would write an entire post on something I don't really like doing, but the truth of it is it explains more about me. Whether good or not, it's a fact about me that I'm slowly trying to change. I don't like cooking, but I like food. However, I still try to cook more because I owe it to Steven and to our budget. Cooking at home definitely saves money and at times it is even healthier. I also realized that if I wanted to one day be a good wife, I should learn how to cook and learn how to enjoy it. I want to be that kind of wife one day, so why not start training myself now?

Maybe one day I won't despise it as much.
(One can hope).
And if you know of any awesome food blogs that might help me change my mind, please share!!!!!

-kel

A-Z // b is for.......

B is for [The] Beatles.

Seriously one of my all time favorite bands. I've loved them since I was little and I think I will forever love them. It's hard not to love them though, when your mom use to sing their songs to you instead of lullabies.  And I love her for that. Every time I hear "All My Lovin'" I have that wonderful memory of her always singing it to me to sleep. It's something I want to keep as a tradition if I ever have children.



Granted, I understand not everyone has the same taste in music, but The Beatles had so many sounds and each album seemed to be a different sound from the last. I love that about any band. I think it shows true talent when you are able to keep from conforming to one specific thing, after all that's what music is to me, experimenting.
What I don't get though, is how people don't respect their music. How can you not respect their originality or amazingness? (Yes I just think I created my own word there).


But when I think about this band and their amazing music all these wonderful memories come rushing to my mind. High school memories, college memories, memories with my best friend, my mom, or just of driving in my car with the sunroof open on a wonderful sunny afternoon.



And of course let's not even talk about my giant crush on Paul,which I talked even more about here.  I get that he could probably be my dad, or granddad, but come one- he's awesome! And after watching a movie special on he and Linda, I loved him even more.
Luckily for Steven though, Paul is currently married......

-kel

A-Z // a is for....

Last week I found an awesome blog feature, A-Z of me, (which I posted about here).
I've been contemplating how to make it my own and since I have (and I finally took a break from reading) I decided to start it!
Wanna join??? If so, I'd love it if you would link your posts in the comment section so I can follow along with your lists!! And of course feel free to make this your own, since I did the same (and cannot take the credit for the feature).
---------

A is for .....animals. 
 (I almost feel like I'm beginning a kid's story here...)

I'm a sucker for animals....well most animals. There are honestly a bunch of animals that freak me out, scare the hell out of me, or I'm honestly just not a fan of. However, most animals I'm found of. Especially dogs. Dogs are honestly the best. (And this isn't under "D" because I have something better for that letter....).

So I'm an animal fan.
I eat meat though.
But I don't like the thought of fur clothing.
(Three quick facts for you). You're welcome.

To get back on track though, although dogs are definitely on the top of my list, I really do love animals. There's just something about them that makes them seem so innocent and sweet. And I love how they care for their own (and sometimes other animals).

Maybe it's all because I've grown up around having pets. I've had 5 dogs (including my puppy Chloe!) fish, and I even had a crab.... it was an interesting experience. There was also a time when I had a kitten for a day (but then had to let my sister have her...another story for later). But I think dogs have softened my heart for animals. They are just so wonderful in so many ways- they are so loyal and loving and my favorite is that even if you were gone for 5 minutes, when you return home they are overwhelmingly excited to see you.
I'm honestly so grateful for my parents for raising me with dogs. I've learned how to be more responsible and gosh I just have so much love for them because of it.

The first dog I ever had was Buttons-  Red Buttons Stapleton to be exact. Amazing standard red haired doxie. She was my parents "first child". She was several years old when I came around and she was as sweet as could be. She would wake up with my mom for 2am feedings, sit with me and my mom while my mom fed and read to me, and she would even jump up on my crib to peek through and check on me. She never snapped at me, even when I pulled her tail, which was a lot. ( I was an ass of a kid). (If only I had pictures of her on my computer....)

Then there was Coco- Melissa Coco. My parents surprised me on my 9th birthday and took me to the pound to pick out my own puppy. I'm pretty sure I held them all, but I fell in love with Coco, and since we were the first family to choose, we always called Coco the pick of the liter. As a puppy she was awful. Granted she didn't chew on things, or mess up things and she was potty trained in 3 days (with Buttons' help). However she bit....a lot. But eventually she grew up and she was the most loyal (and skittish dog). But she was my puppy and I loved her. The day she died was one of the worst of my life. Maybe that sounds silly if you're not a dog person (or even if you are) but she was such a good dog and such a big part of my life. She even defended me against other dogs when threatened. I miss her still.

And then there's Au'bre Star Stapleton (and yes, her initials are A.S.S.)- not planned but funny nonetheless. She's been a pistol since we got her, which was again my doing. One Thanksgiving while home in Pensacola visiting family my best friend Michael and I went into the pet store at the mall. Bad idea- I've never left one of those not begging for a puppy. But Au'bre pulled out all the tricks she had and I fell in love with her. When my mom met the mini doxie, she fell in love to. So after a night of making our famous pro-con list, we decided to go for it.  While she has always been a sweetheart to people, she hates being around other dogs. Most of the time she just ignores them, but when they come into her territory she gets all..... "doxie". She tried to fight Coco (who was 3x's her size) constantly and poor Coco always gave in. Au'bre also ate everything! One year after my mom and I had gone Christmas shopping, she greeted us at the door with the Christmas tree lights in her mouth. She's currently 10 years old and 25 pounds (thanks to her steroids.... she's got a year long list of health issues).

And of course the newest addition to our family is Chloe Chomps.  Chomps because she bites all the freaking time and also as an inside joke between Steven and I. I feel like I've already talked about her to death on this blog, so I'll spare yall that. However, I will say that I am so lucky to have her. Even though she is still a puppy and has though "wonderful" tendencies she's made us so happy. And she makes this family feel complete.

There have also been countless dogs, cats, fish and other such animals that I've cared for over the years (either at work, home, or pet sat for). I love that each one has had it's own personality and has never deterred my love for animals.

xo
kel