Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"dark day"

9 years ago today I lost my dad and best friend.
It's strange, for so long I felt this tremendous pain that I never thought would go away, but over time it has. Now there's just this void- this place in my heart that seems somewhat empty because someone I loved so much is no longer around. Deep down, I know he's in a better place, but sometimes I'm still angry that he's gone. I never got to say goodbye. He will never get to see huge and important aspects of my life. I don't remember the last time I said "I love you".

But here's what I do remember and know..... he was the best dad I could have ever asked for. He was patient with me and forgiving. He made me feel like I mattered, because in his eyes I did. He could fix any and everything. He made me a beautiful 2-story doll house when I was little, with furniture (some of which he made as well) and parts of our home throughout it (like extra scraps of our actual kitchen floor used for the doll house's kitchen flooring). He by far was one of the best men I've ever known and I miss him more than I could ever express.

***I debated about writing this post- or at least making it public. I don't want my blog to become "emo" and turn people (including myself) away from it. So if it does turn you off or it comes off as too much, I'm sorry. Honestly though, I felt like I needed to write it....almost to make sure that I don't forget him.



~KS said...

I'm glad you wrote it... I think it is a beuatiful tribute to him. He sounds like he was the best. I'm so sorry you have to be here wtithout him...

My dad had a bad accident about a year ago and it was the first time I really realized that my dad wasn't invincible... and that someday, I might not have him. My heart hurt with just the thought so I cannot imagine the pain you felt and continue to feel. But no matter what, he will always be your dad and I guarantee, that wherever he is now, you still matter so much to him and he's watching over you with all of the love he's got.

Kimberly said...

Its a lovely post today! Love hearing about your love for your Dad!

Krista Eitsert said...

you have some great memories of your father. Don't feel bad for sharing them. You should share what you remember about your father, it's healthy and will only help the coping process!

Jamie said...

Don't apologize for sharing your feelings and what's going on! Your friends want to know these things and be here for you. Big hugs to you, sweet friend! Lifting you up in prayer today. Love you!!! xoxo

Velma said...

This was a sweet tribute to someone who was very important. I'm glad you were willing to share

amylou said...

I'm so glad you decided to share this post! He sounds like he was a wonderful man and father. Hugs and smiles sent your way today! :)

Melissa said...

What a beautiful way to remember him. Sending positive thoughts your way today!

Tiffany said...

Kellie~ You should share things like this, because this is part of you! Part of your life.
Life is not always happiness and laughter, I think that posts like this help others get through hard things in life. You are an amazing woman, and I am so grateful to know you!!!
Sending you a big hug!
Love you~

Whimsical Woodland said...

Thanks for writing this. I lost my dad this past April, and it is by far the hardest thing I've had to endure the entire 30 years of my life. I can honestly say, I know how you feel.

suzy said...

aw--i don't think you should have to worry if writing something like this will turn people away. life is hard. be real about it.
i thought this entry was beautiful.

It's this or therapy said...

He was awesome, kels. And he sure did put up with A LOT from us. I think everytime he knew we were going to hang out that he'd have to be prepared to fix something. And that should make you laugh, even though you may be sad right now. I know I'll never forget him. And just because we're talking about him i have to post these lyrics. So in sadness, we get to relive all of the memories that we'll never forget :)

I've got something to tell ya
I've got news for you
Gonna put some wheels in motion
Get ready 'cause we're coming through
Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now
Happiness is just around the corner
Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now
We'll be there for you

The Vengabus is coming
And everybody's jumping
New York to San Fransisco
An intercity disco
The wheels of steel are turning
And traffic lights are burning
So if you like to party
Get on and move your body

We like to party
We like, we like to party
We like to party
We like, we like to party