Throughout my life (and especially more recently) I feel like I am the "filler friend". The friend/person that people fill in their time with until something better comes along. Not to say that I think I'm deserving of this...I happen to think I am fun and a good friend, which makes the whole situation even more confusing and frustrating. However, when it comes to my friendship, people only seem to want it when they have too much lonely or down time that needs to be taken.
I'm that filler.
Most of my recently made girl friends have all used me as this...whether they meant to or not. They're single and want to have fun and are in desperate need of girl friends and girl time. We bond, become close friends, they find a boy and then all of a sudden "bye filler friend!" No warning, no weening, just tossed aside like yesterdays news.
I understand how girls work, after all, I am one. But it annoys me to no end when girls that I consider close (if not best) friends disappear after a boy comes into their lives. It makes me feel worthless and frankly, it hurts like hell. I do get that girls are just like this....they meet a boy and thats all they can think about- I completely get this (I'm quite boy crazy myself). What pisses me off is the fact that they dont schedule me in, they dont call me to hang out, or they leave after an hour of hanging out because they haven't seen their boy in at least a day... wow, a day. Try a week.
Ok, maybe I'm jealous.... we girls do tend to pick our guys over our friends in the beginning (although with my jax gal friends it seems there's no end to the beginning-once they leave, they leave for good). And I'll admit that I have done this. I'm guilty, you caught me. I've picked the guy over friends, but I've learned. I stopped. Everyone else hasn't...and it's not as if this is one particular friend I am referring to, it's a handful. It almost makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.... but I digress.
So girls pick their boy over their friends, I get that. But I'm SOL in that way and then the boy picks his friends over me. So I get stuck in the middle of.....well I guess I'm having a date night with myself....again.
So yea, I'm jealous because I'm never the first one people want to hang out with....the filler friend is the option, not the priority.
I didn't write this for a pity party or to call anyone out. Nor did I want to make anyone feel badly. I'm just so sick of not having these girl friends or boyfriend to turn to that I had to use the internet as a medium to get out (okay, maybe I am a bit pathetic...). I don't want any I'm so sorry or I feel so bad for you. I hate those.... In fact I don't think I want any comments at all. I just want someone to see me as the #1 priority.......