Tuesday, April 20, 2010

how to help your relationship

First off, I am NO expert (obviously); however, when signing onto the internet this afternoon I ran across this article on msn and I HAD to share it. It's aimed towards married couples, but I honestly feel like it's advice is helpful for any relation, no matter what stage it's at.

So enjoy and feel free to comment, add to, or disagree with anything. I'd love to hear your opinions on it as well!!!


15 Love Rules for Married [or dating] Women
1. A Little Privacy Goes a Long Way
"Separate bathrooms!" —Inspires, on glamour.com

2. Keep Quarrels to Yourselves
"My nonna always told my mom, who then passed the advice to me: 'Don't talk to me about the fights you have with your husband. Because then you guys solve it in the bedroom, and the next day I'm still mad.'" —Amanda Chamberlain, 22, Hoboken, N.J.
* I gotta say I soo believe in this. I've come to find out that this is so true in my own life.

3. FPP
"Feed, pet and play. Oh, wait … that's the relationship I have with my cat! It still applies." —Lindsey Fulton, 25, Houston

4. Be Friends
"All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand." —poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox
*I also have found this to be true. I think it's awesome when a couple also considers their significant other their best friend. I think it makes the relationship sooo much stronger!

5. Don't Be Joined at the Hip
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." —poet Kahlil Gibran
*My boyfriend and I work very hard on this one. He likes a LOT of space and I don't. It's a take and give thing and although we've had our issues, this is one thing we've worked hardest on and I think we've found a good middle ground! :)

6. Cheaters Never Prosper
"When you have a family, and you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on everyone, even your friends." —jennnynyc15, on glamour.com

7. De-Stress … Together
"Sex alleviates tension." —Woody Allen
*The fact that this is from Woody Allen freaks me out!

8. Keep at It
"An older woman told me something that stayed with me. I asked her how she stayed married so long. Her reply, 'We never both fell out of love at the same time.' I love that, because no matter how much we want to deny it, there are times we want to throw our boyfriends or husbands overboard — and vice versa. But as long as someone is trying, then you can make it!" —Christie Pourtemour, 22, Manhattan Beach, Calif.

9. Own Up
"Whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." —poet Ogden Nash

10. Make Time for Romance
*(I'd prefer NOT to add in the quote used here.....)

11. To Have and To Hold
"Hold on to each other above everything else." —from the Lifehouse song "Whatever It Takes"

12. Differences of Opinion are O.K.
"You need not think alike to love alike." —Jillian Maxwell, 28, Brooklyn

13. Avoid Personal Attacks
"A friend once told me that when you argue with your husband (and you will), never make personal attacks. Stick with the subject; there are some things that can never be taken back." —EMagdon, on glamour.com
So true in any relationship. My friends and I (along with my youth group and I) have been talking about this lately. Using "I" messages really helps defuse a fight or stop one from happening. If you don't have tact in a fight, it's going to be dirty.

14. No Cheating
"When you decide to commit, you've got to commit. Can't cheat. Wanna cheat! Can't cheat. Dying to cheat! Can't cheat. Can't wait to cheat! Can't cheat. Some guys gotta go to rehab not to cheat. But you can't cheat …. Know why? Because you're going to get caught. I don't care who you are, [even if] you're 007, you're going to get caught. And you don't want to get caught." —Chris Rock

15. Know Your Priorities
*I would also prefer not to use this quote either. But I totally agree with this. You need to know where that person stands in your life and what in the relationship is important and what things you can let go of!


15 Love Rules for Married [dating] Men
1. Lend a Hand
Nothing gets a woman hotter than getting down on your hands and knees, getting sweaty and … scrubbing the grout in the bathroom. Man up when it comes to household duties; it pays off.
*YESYESYES!!! My mom always told me that asking a guy to help, even for the simplest things makes them feel wanted. When they are willing to help and sometimes offer on their own makes soo much of a difference and makes me fall even more in love with the guy.

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Be respectful to your in-laws. They may not deserve it, but your wife does. Do it for her.
*You don't have to like them, but you do have to love them. One of my biggest problems with a guy is when they don't try to get to know my family and/or friends. They are a BIG part of my life and if you can't get to know them and try to get along with them, you'll see the door before they do!

3. Hand-Holding
Hold her hand. Often. And if you ever lose your hands, hold elbows.
*Another thing I TOTALLY agree with. Honestly, I love little gestures like this, it reminds me that I matter to him and that he's thinking about me and loves me. This is especially nice in a big group and you guys haven't really been talking to each other. It's just a cute little "i love you" reminder. :)

4. Work at Your Marriage
"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." —Ann Landers
*YES!!!! It makes me angry when people just give up on relationships because they don't feel like working on it. There are days when you don't want to work on it, but the thing is, that's just life. If you don't work hard for something, it'll never be worth it! Relationships aren't always easy and they take time and work, but it can be so worth it!

5. Confide Carefully
Sometimes when times are tough, you've got to talk to someone, anyone other than your wife, just to get perspective. But keep in mind that your friends are there to support you, not provide perspective, and don't say anything you can't take back once these troubles are behind you.

6. Don't Write Off Counseling
Everyone should be in marriage counseling because marriage is hard. If your car is having problems, you take it to a mechanic. Don't give up on a relationship you value without exploring every possible avenue for healing first.

7. Make Time for Sex
Never underestimate the importance of sex to marriage.

8. Surprise Her
Do something nice for your wife, with no provocation, no less than once a week. If you have to put it on your calendar, if you have to tattoo it on your forehead, make it happen. Your life will be longer and happier for it.
*This is something else I fully agree with. There's a Christian book, The Five Languages of Love that explains how people view love differently. Some think that doing kind gestures for each other says love, others think that buying things for your signifcant other is love. I think one of THE most important thing in any relationship is to find out what love looks like to your significant other and then show that to them as often as you can. We all need little reminders. And we all need to be shown these reminders in our own way, it says a lot if you can do that!

9. Apologize
Be the first one to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," even when you're not sorry and you weren't wrong.
*I don't totally agree with this. I think both parties should be willing to admit when they are wrong; however, if you weren't wrong I don't think you should be forced to apologize! I tend to apologize to people just because I hate fighting, so anything to end it sooner works, but I feel like that doesn't solve the problem ultimately. Although a lot of times even if I feel like I was in the right, I will apologize if I felt I acted chilish or said hutful things. By the way, Love does NOT mean never having to say you're sorry!

10. Give Her a Hug
Hug her. They dig that.
*A hug makes so many things better!

11. Don't Try to Change Her
Every new husband thinks he can change his wife. Every experienced husband wishes he could have back all the time and energy he spent trying to do so.
*I feel this should be true for both parties. More often I hear of girls trying to change their man. They date the bad boy and hope that they can change them into the guy that cares and is really a romantic at heart (he just hides it underneath all those rough layers). Okay, I'm guilty of doing this too, but I gotta say, IT DOESN"T WORK!! You gotta love the person for who they are, because no one should ever try to make someone change! It's gotta be something they want to do on their own!

12. Be Open To Changes
People change as years go by, and so do marriages. Be flexible.

13. Fight Fair
When you fight — and you will — fight fairly. The causes of a quarrel will fade from memory, but cruel words are remembered for years, smartie.
* "I" messages, remember?!?

14. Remind Yourself Why You Love Her
Marriage is a choice you make every day, not just at the altar. Once in a while, it's important to remind yourself why you chose this woman, and why you still choose her.

15. Treat Her Right
Put her above all others. That includes your parents, your children, and yourself.
*YES!!!!! :)

Well there you have it. Thanks MSN.com for your awesome points! Now blogger friends, what do you think??? Don't be shy!!! :)

--kellz

7 comments:

Miss Makes-a-lot said...

great article! and so very true :)

chelsea rebecca said...

aw i love this!
such a great article!
i'm a firm believer in the separate bathrooms! haahaha. and being friends! and he should always do surprises!!!

Jenzeestyle said...

thanks for posting this as my four year relationship is kinda having some issues right now, i for one needed to read this a little bit/

Lindsay said...

this is an awesome article, we live by these rules lol. I am so lucky to have a hubby that I call my best friend, and that we understand each other. love love love this!
xoxo,
Lindsay

mel said...

i agree with you as well. have you read the 5 love languages book? i've done the stuff on the website and it seems really interesting.
i'm also with you in the boyfriend-wants-solo-time-more-than-me boat. when we first moved in together it was tough. we're getting better at it now.

Audrey said...

These are really great tips and I love all of the quotes you chose. I am single and learning more about relationships. Lately I've been reading a great book by Gina Lake called, "Loving in the Moment." Gina is very thorough in detailing what to look for in yourself and in the other person in order to have a successful relationship. She has opened my eyes to a lot of things I did not see before. You should check it out!

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