Thursday, April 15, 2010

i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry

I'm having one of those days.... maybe it's due to stress, but I think I can place blame elsewhere too. Today is not horrible, not by any means, BUT there are some things that have deeply upset or annoyed me.

Fact: I am over-sensative (and I am trying to work on this)
Fact: I get way emotional when stressed
Fact: Lately I've felt like the odd man out with a lot of things (and people)

Things I keep trying to tell myself:
-you are the magic wand (my high school bff's mom use to say this. it means basically you make the magic, you can cause good things to happen (or at least you can cause your mind to stay positive)
-big girls dont cry
-tomorrows another day
-theres light at the end of the tunnel (and dear Lord, please don't let it be a train!)

Things I still can't seem to stop being upset about (even though I am trying to get over them):
- not feeling included
- not getting included in a trip that I so badly wanted to be a part of (but got "cut out" so to speak) Maybe it's not so much the trip part that upsets me, maybe it's more of the fact that I feel like I've been "cut out" of this part of his life. I get boy trips, they should happen, but to go where I've been wanting to go with YOU for a longggg time to see your family with someone else?? boo
-not feeling like i have someone here in jax to constantly turn to and cry with (not that I've wanted to cry lately (minus today) but it would be nice having someone here that I could cry with, should I need to).
- not feeling wanted

I feel like a babbling baby. Sorry readers.
Just please pray for my sanity. :)
It will get better I know. And again, I'm not trying to pity party myself here, but if I didn't get it out here I would expload!!!



Courtney said...

You know Kellie, everyone gets days like these and I for one am glad that you shared it. It means that I won't feel so scared and insecure when I am having a day like that; that I know that I can share it with everyone through my blog.
I know it might seem lame but there are girls all over the country (world even?) that care about you and want you to be happy. Just because we aren't in Florida doesn't mean that will won't be there for you girly.
Hearts and Stars.

SarahD. said...

its your blog hun, pity partys are okay. and getting it out before you explode is also okay!

not feeling included sucks! i completely understand how you feel. and big girls do cry. btw. its okay and sometimes very healing.

have you talked to 'him' about wanting to be included in the trip?

i am so sorry for not feeling included. *hugs* i will pray for your sanity, just remember that even when you feel like no one loves you, Gods love is always there. Never changing, and He loves you more than anything else.

<3 - *hugs*

Lindsay said...

awwwww Im sending super happy, fantastical, magnificent, get better feel better, your the best, awesomeest, coolest hugs your way :)
I hope evrything works itself out and you know im here if you need someone to vent too!!

Meg said...

We all have days like this, we are all human and we all need to have a pity party sometimes! Just breathe! Tomorrow's another day!

...on the brink of something beautiful said...

thank you ladies!

sarah-yes tried the whole "talk" thing, didn't really come up with a solution. which totally sucks. :(

CupcakeSniper said...

I'm sorry you're having this kind of a day! Don't apologize for venting! Venting is healthy, it's keeping it all stuffed in that'll make us crazy lol

Have you talked to this person about how that made you feel?

I think we all go through these times where we feel alone, left out, like we don't matter, but you do matter, a ton of people would love to just go hang out with you! and share in your day (hello why do you think you have all these readers ) We're all people who are way into you! (that sounds gay but you know what I mean).

I do think it's more than just not being able to go. Maybe it's been a repeat of situations like these that have piled up on top of the fact of what you're feeling. Know if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here. You can email me at

Just know whatever you're hearing in your head isn't true!!

Krystal said...

I left you a little something on my blog. Hope you're having a good day! :)

Cole said...

Thats what blogs are for right? It's an outlet to get everything out. I hope things turn around for you. You seem so sweet.

Tillie said...

Oh Sweetness, dont I know the feeling! I get like this every now and then, but you know what! You are right, tomorrow is another day and another chance to wake up with a big smile on your beautiful face.

I like to tell myself 'this too shall pass' its so true. everything comes, and everything goes. Its part of life, and its makes us stronger, wiser and more determined to make tomorrow better.


Elizabeth said...

Kel, I'm sorry to hear that you are having one of those days. Not fun at all! Being excluded from anything (let alone a trip) is sad. It makes me upset, who wouldn't want your company on a trip?? You seem like you'd be a blast to hang out with. This boy is missing out, for sure :)

Chelsea said...

I hope your day starts getting better immediately!! Feeling excluded is the worst--i feel like that sometimes too. It's hard feeling like you don't have anyone to turn to to talk about things (i definitely know what you mean), but like everyone else has already said, the blog world is always full of listeners <3

feel better! XO

Manda said...

Hey your FACTS are my FACTS... who knew?
One of the things l'd include with the "you are the magic wand" scenario is this little comment I make to myself all the time "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it". Argh...
Sorry about the rough patch.

It's this or therapy said...

Kels- Him having a trip just means that we should plan one for us. Guys always want to have their guy trips and girls sometimes do get upset about it, but now all we can do is plan something for ourselves!

I heart you.

Carrie said...

I am so sorry you are feeling this way we all have these days! I am thinking happy thoughts for you!



Amarettogirl said...

I feel you - in fact I get where you're coming from just too well!but you know you're very smart- cuz you you're not alone - you have your blogosphere community and though it's virtual it is a community none the less and We;ll be here for you!
I'm actually so glad I found you - i found you through fellow blogger Salmezan...cuz she posted about your giveaway. I got here and read your bio- I'm a teacher and have been so now for 12 years -geez that makes me sound old- but I'm least I don't think so. Plus - teaching keeps you young at heart. I teach highschool advanced placement art and studio classes- what kind of teacher do you want to be? Well now that I found you I will keep you in my thoughts and remember - trust your intuition and you most certainly ARE the magic wand!!

...on the brink of something beautiful said...

oh my gosh ladies! youre comments are soooo incredibly sweet, they may have made me cry. thank you all for being wonderful. i love you all sooooo very much!! honestly, i cannot tell you how much you and your words mean to me!! :)

Mama Ventura said...

Hey Kel,
I am sorry I didn't see this post sooner. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can totally identify with what you are saying about feeling like you are left out or cut out. Please please please know that you can email me or even call me, I can give you my number over email. I think that you are completely awesome! I'll bet everyone else does too, but sometimes it can be hard to see it.

Lots of love,

Cat said...

:( Sorry you're having a bad day! It sounds like one of the worst, being left out is the most horrible feeling. Sorry I didn't see this post earlier, but all us blog readers don't care if you want to have a pity party for yourself. Makes us feel more normal. Lots and lots of hugs!!!!!! Hoping you have a better weekend!


Heather @ Gerber Days said...

Hi there! I happened upon your ADORABLE blog! You are beautiful, and I love your artsy style. I am really looking forward to browsing around. :)

PS... Mary Poppins was always a favorite of mine too, which reminds me I should go pick up a copy for my little girl!

Have a great weekend!

Emma Jade said...

wow that felt like you were talking about me! hope you feel better soon honey.. we all have our off days, put a soppy film on and have a good cry!
I'm a new follower, i think your blog is adorable!